The Issue...or Not

It was all over the news...social media...radio ads. It was everywhere. Fighting on both sides of the fence. Vote FOR Amendment One. Vote AGAINST Amendment One. If you don't vote FOR it, you're not as Christian as me. If you do vote FOR it, you're a hate-mongering Jesus-lover.

I was so sick of hearing about it, that by the time it came time to vote on the "issue" I was glad overjoyed that I was stuck in Chapel Hill most of the day & then completely exhausted to the point of not feeling up to the trip to the poll. So, YEP, you got it.. I'm not as Christian as you are, AND I'm a hate-mongering Jesus-lover because I did neither. ;)

I struggled, truly, over this Amendment. I'd heard the liberal agenda on it...no domestic violence protection, children losing their health benefits, blah blah blah. I'd heard the conservative agenda on it...JESUS said so! Homos are sinners and we hate them! And then I researched it for myself.

But, the truth is, neither of those are exactly right.

Children of unmarried parents both CAN and CANNOT be covered on health insurance benefit policies, based on the carrier & plan host's definition of dependents.

Domestic Violence protection is not just for married couples, already. And, it's not just for heterosexual couples, already. And, it's not just for COUPLES, period. Domestic violence protection already extends to siblings, parents, children, and a host of other "people."

The bible does say that homosexuality is not right, never in those specific words, but in several places throughout, it lends instruction that marriage is to be between a man and a woman. HOWEVER, it doesn't say that we, as Christians are supposed to HATE those who choose to live in ANY lifestyle other than the one that we choose to live.

And, our law already said that marriage was between one man & one woman. Voting FOR the amendment didn't exactly change that. Voting AGAINST the amendment wouldn't have changed that either. So...why were we fighting over it?

Anyway, I heard this song a few days ago, and there's one line especially in the song that says to me, WHAT IN THE H... WERE WE THINKING?! It says, "Nobody knows what we're for, only what we are against when we judge the wounded; what if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines, and loved like You did..."

I think, as Christians, we have a responsibility bigger than voting FOR the Amendment, we have a responsibility to love ALL people. Regardless of how we feel about their life choices. That doesn't mean that you have to approve of, condone, or even support any person in your life who makes choices that you don't agree with, whether that choice is homosexuality; alcohol or drug abuse; tattoos; clubs; gangs. Being involved of any, or all, of those things doesn't mean the person doesn't love the Lord, it just means they're lost.

There's another line in that song that says, "The world is on their way to You, but they're tripping over me." I think this is probably the most true statement EVER. There are so many people who NEED to find their way to the Lord. And so many who will start down that path, only to stop when they run into a "Christian" who is pointing fingers at them and telling them what a bad person they are or that God hates what them for what they're doing. God doesn't hate ANYONE. He hates our actions, probably daily, but he LOVES us all. And, until we, as Christians, start showing EVERYONE that love, we will never be able to repair the HELL that we're living in now.

And, with that, I'm going to step off of my soapbox and just say this little prayer...

Jesus, friend of SINNERS (just like ME), open my eyes to the world at the end of my pointing fingers. I have always been and will always be the lost cause, but You have never given up on me, You never give up on any of us, You are always right there, arms open, waiting for us to run back to You. Thank You. I love you, Jesus. And I am so thankful that I find my way back to You when I've slipped in the other direction. Amen 

I can't go in there, Mamma.

WOW. It's been over 4 months since I posted a blog. It's overdue.

This past Saturday was our 5th wedding anniversary. We spent the day moving into our new home. 980 sq. ft. to 2000-ish sq. ft. A nice upgrade. The boy is a very routine child. (I'm pretty sure I've blogged about that before.) When his routine is disrupted, all sorts of things go haywire. Well, Saturday night was the first night we spent in the new house. During the day, Levi is super-psyched about the fact that he now has a playroom that is larger than the living room of our previous house.When it's bedtime, he goes to sleep pretty easily but from there, it goes downhill. (NOTE: This is not necessarily a "new" thing, as he typically wakes 2-3 times per night, but this is way worse than it's ever been.) He's had a history of night terrors (not nightmares which are dreams, but waking in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder and the ONLY thing that soothes him is to let him settle himself down and go back to sleep). It's been more than a year since he last had a night terror, but they've returned since we moved.

Late yesterday afternoon, he walks down the hallway then tells me, "I can't go in that bathroom, Mamma." Me: "Why not?" Levi: "There's a man in there." Me: "No, honey, it's really ok. Come on, Mamma will go with you."

I go in, turn on the light, he potties, and we're done.

Later, I'm telling husband about this and he asks Levi some questions.

Husband: "Hey buddy, tell me about the man you saw."
Levi: "He was in the bathroom."
Husband: "Did you know him?"
Levi: "Ummm...I don't know."
Husband: "What did he look like?"
Levi: "He looks like my PaPaw."

Jaws drop. Tears form. I look at husband. He smiles and looks at me.

PaPaw is my father-in-law, who passed away in November.

Levi was frightened by seeing PaPaw. But we explained to Levi that PaPaw is here because he loves us very much and he wants to take care of us and make sure that we are ok.

I start talking (in my mind) to Jerry (PaPaw), asking, "Jerry, if it's you that's here, please, help Levi to adjust. Take away these night terrors and help him rest." Over and over, I say this in my mind. Tears still rolling.

8:45 pm: Levi gets his bath in the same bathroom where he earlier "saw" PaPaw. No problems.
9:10 pm: Levi gets in bed, does his breathing treatment & dozes off to sleep.
6:30 am: Levi wakes up for the first time since going to sleep around 9:15-9:20 the night before.

Thank you PaPaw. We love you and we're so glad you're still here with us even just in spirit! I just wish my soul was still as innocent as little Levi's so that I could see you again, too. But one day, I will.

Life Lessons

Did you ever walk through a parking lot, store, or restaurant with your toddler/preschooler without holding their hand?

I have. In fact, he has the scars on his forehead to prove it.



Did your toddler/preschooler ever twist out of your grasp while walking through a parking lot, store, or restaurant?

Mine has.

Monday, December 5, 2011, heaven gained an angel, a beautiful, bright eyed little boy, named Cullen Parker. Did his mom just not hold his hand? Did he twist out of her grasp? I don't know. And, neither do the hundreds of people who are speculating about what terrible parents the Parkers are because they weren't holding onto their kid.

Before you judge someone else, look in the mirror. Did you ever do it when your kids were little? Do you do it even now, if you have small kids?

And, please, if you learn nothing else from the Parkers' loss, please learn this:

The most wonderful blessing you will ever have in your life is NOT your job, your bank account, your home or your car. It is your children (no matter how you get them).

Don't be afraid to hold your child's hand. Always. Forever. No matter how big or how old they get.

Tell your children that you love them. Always. Forever. No matter how big or how old they get. Do it. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Tomorrow is not a guarantee for any of us. Will you regret tomorrow that you didn't hug your kid today?

And, finally, to the Parker family, should any of you read this, please accept the sincere condolences of my family. Cullen was a beautiful child. We have been praying daily for the peace and comfort of our Lord to be with you all. I cannot begin to imagine what your family must be feeling, but I do know that the Lord's angels are taking care of Cullen now.

~Anna

To Trick, To Treat, or To Not

Halloween is coming. Costumes should be bought. But, what if you don't know how you feel about trick-or-treating. And what if you don't know what's an appropriate costume for your child? Levi isn't allowed to watch "Superhero" cartoons, so, how much sense would it make to put him in a Captain America costume - when he doesn't even know who Captain America is? And, his bedtime is 8-8:30, and Halloween is on a school night, so late bedtime isn't really an option. The last two years, our "trick-or-treating" consisted of visiting a couple of family members to say hi (and of course, get a small treat).

His first Halloween, he was a horse:

(A very cute one!) Cost of costume? Unknown - Great Granny Wilma bought it for him.

Last year, he was the cutest little cowboy sheriff there ever was:

See, I told ya! cutest.ever. Cost of costume? $WeDon'tWannaTalkAboutIt

This year...I just really, really do not know. I've thought about Superman. Only, because Levi loves it when we say:

"Dundunnanna! SuperLevi!"

But, even still, he wouldn't get it, because he doesn't watch Superman.

Then, I thought about Captain America, because his Daddy loved Captain America as a boy. But, really, Levi doesn't have a clue who Captain America is.

Then, I thought about Optimus Prime, because Levi did watch Transformers with us while he was falling asleep over the weekend. But, again, he doesn't "get" it. He wouldn't know, "I'm dressed up like Optimus Prime, the leader of the good Transformers."

Any of those options would cost in the $25 range. Not completely unreasonable, but he'll only wear it once. And then I'll put it away in the "tote" because I'm too dumb sentimental to get rid of it.

Ahhhhhhh! Nothing should be this difficult! And that's a big part of why I'm struggling so with it this year, I think. This really, really, should not be this difficult. And if it is this difficult, then we shouldn't be doing it at all. But, then, what if we decide to do a Trunk-Or-Treat at church or something, he'll need a costume. And if I wait until we decide if we're going to do that, there won't be any good costumes left. And, how do I know if it is a good costume? Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Surgery, Recovery, Drama & Change - An Update

September 7
We took Levi to NC Children's Hospital at UNC for his surgery. This included: ear tube replacement, repeat adenoidectomy, tonsilectomy, and sinus surgery. The surgery went well, despite taking 1.5 hours longer than anticipated. There was a lot of bleeding from his nose after the surgery, and that first night was rough. He spent it in a short-stay observation unit. The amount of anesthesia he had been under meant most of his normal bodily functions were not functioning. And, as anyone who has ever had any type of surgery knows, you must drink and potty before you're released. Levi refused to drink, and was physically unable to potty - to the point that a good portion of his pain was coming from his bladder. After repeated attempts to get him to potty on his own, he had to be catheterized. The next morning, we finally convinced him to eat some ice cream - which oddly enough, counts as "drinking" - and then, finally, we had a wet diaper. I don't think I've ever been so excited over a wet diaper before!

Before

After

Finally Awake

September 8-17
The worst 10 days of my life. Literally. Levi alternated between short, fitful naps and hysterical crying. His routine was severely disrupted. Husband was banished to sleep in Lauren's bedroom because Levi would only sleep if he could sleep with me. He ran a low-grade fever, refused his meds, and was generally intolerable of anything I wanted or needed him to do.

September 18
Levi returned to "normal" - as normal as you can get with a 2-year old who has been through what he'd been through the last 2 weeks. He was eating normally, and playing normally, and crying considerably less. We were able to visit grandparents and play outside.

September 19
Levi returned to school. He was excited to be there. He didn't even cry after being home with me for practically 2 weeks. And, then, came the drama. Mema (that's my Mamma) picked Levi up from school, where he was outside sitting on the bench with the afternoon "teacher." She got him home, took his shoes off and changed his diaper - and found FORTY-THREE (43) bug bites on his feet, ankles, legs, groin, belly, arms, and hands, and a rash spreading down his legs and up his chest/neck. She called me. I left work. I get home, and look at the bites - mosquitoes? fireants? some other unknown insect? - and my stepdad points out that his left ankle looks really swollen. Another bite, maybe? Just one that hit the joint? So, I get his allergy medicine. Which he proceeds to puke back on me. When we put him in the tub to clean him off, he refuses to put the left foot down. Then he won't let me touch it. I still think it may just be one of the bites just got him in the right place. But, then, I put him down in the den floor to lock the front door. The toes of his left foot hit the floor, he collapses, and screams out in pain. I flipped out. I called husband who reassured me that I was over-reacting. Then, I called our pediatrician's after-hours number. I spoke with a nurse, who listened carefully to my descriptions of the bites, the rash, the ankle, the screaming, everything. She paged the pediatrician on call for our practice who called back with instructions to take him the ER. So, as soon as husband got home, we headed to the ER. By that time, his bug bites had festered and were easily identified as fire ant bites. With so many of them, and the rash spreading, the ER doctor put Levi on prednisone and an antibiotic. And, they x-ray his ankle, just to be sure there isn't a fracture. The ER doctor comes back in, says he has buckle fracture to his left fibula - which is the small bone in the side of the lower leg), near the ankle joint. He gets a temporary cast, until we see the orthopedic, who gives him a lime green hard cast.

Temp Cast

After Getting Hard Cast

And, then, comes change. We battled with the decision, because we realize that both the bites and the broken bone are simple accidents that could have happened anywhere, but after advice from friends, family, and our doctors, we've moved Levi into care at another facility.

A Place and A Space - Nook GiveAway

You might already know that I'm a contemporary christian music junkie. Or, you might not. If not, heads up, I'm a contemporary christian music junkie. The radio in my car STAYS on 107.3 unless I hit the Raleigh area, and then I switch over to HisRadio. And, if I'm not in an area that I can pick up either, I'm tuned into the AWESOME HisRadio app on my Android device.

That being said, I'm kind of digging this song, "Alive," by Nate Fowler. Today, on facebook, Nate posted a blog about his wife's blog - a place and a space - and a give-away that she's doing. I have to admit that I haven't used the Nook - I have the Kindle app for my Droid, and I am soooo addicted. But, a real, true to life, actual eReader? That's my dream. So, I'm entering the contest to win the Nook she's giving away. And, so shoud you! (And then you should go enjoy that song by her husband!) ;)

Have a good one.

So *That's* What it Feels Like?

Let me be clear, I am NOT making light of strokes. Stroke is a very serious thing and leaves lasting effects on those who experience them, as well as on their loved ones.

And, I think I must now know what it feels like when you're about to have a stroke.

About 6 years ago, during a trip to the mountains, husband bought me a beautiful 3.5 ct. emerald-cut garnet right-hand ring set in 24K gold. The setting alone was over $300, which is probably not alot of money to you. But, to me, it's a truck payment. Or almost 3 summer-time light bills. And that doesn't include the cost of the stone.

This morning, I've been:

In every room in my house.
On my deck.
In my yard.
In my car - twice.
In Levi's daycare parking lot & building.
In my office parking lot and both floors of the building.

Around 9:40, I sat back down at my desk for the 300th time (that's probably a slight exaggeration). As I began working on the tasks on my desk, I glanced down. My ring setting was EMPTY. Immediately, panic set in. I emailed our IRA, asked her to send an all-building e-mail with a description of the stone.

Then, I started back-tracking. Nose down, watching the floor, trying to think of every turn I had made in this maze of an office building today. The very most recent place I had been was a colleague's office. As I turned the corner to walk into her office. THERE IT WAS. Laying on the floor. No way anyone would have spotted it, had they not been looking for it. The vacuum would probably have eaten it tonight when the janitorial crew came through. I very nearly collapsed in my colleague's office. SCARY, SCARY, SCARY. My heart is still racing. I could never have replaced that stone. Not financially, or sentimentally.

And, here's my ring. And stone. In a zippy. Until I can take them to a jeweler.

Husband, despite the fact that I probably never tell you, I love you. And I appreciate what you do for me and our family.